When traversing my darkest times, I struggled with about 9 out of 10 of the “most stressful things” (whatever that means) happening in my life. Moving to a new house and town, becoming a first-time new mom, losing my job, my husband leaving for a new wife, becoming my mean dying uncle’s caregiver, and managing multiple surgeries for my baby were just a tiny handful of examples of the sh*t pile of the moment, all wrapped up in a pretty bow of noxious postpartum depression. Let’s say I was more than thankful this all happened when the world closed down for COVID-19. The time off was my savior since it forced me into self-reflection and deep shadow work to climb out of the mental mess. Yet, isolation from friends and family (did I mention I moved away from my aging parents and assumed I’d never get to see them again? Yeah.) sent me shockwaves of some of the worst emotions – especially during the newly-horrifically-alone holidays.

What did I do? Well, I dove straight into shadow work. No, I didn’t get the latest shadow work workbook on Amazon. Honestly, my mental health was too deteriorated to realize that was an option—which it is. (If this sounds good to you, search “Shadow Work” on Amazon, and you’ll find a load of help. You’re worth it and have permission to do this for yourself if needed.)

The #1 Hack That Saved Me During My Darkest Times

I will tell you my trick to the fastest, cheapest way to bring you out of this hole… and it’s so easy you may roll your eyes at me and not do it. However, if that’s you, go ahead and read that list of the things piled up against me again, including the diagnosed PPD. This one trick was enough to light a teeny tiny little fire in the vast emptiness within and give me the most negligible energy boost to add a gratitude tool, then a mindset tool, and on and on. This little trick was the flame that started my return to the spiritual world and mental health, and (insert laugh track here) led me to write my own book and workbook on Shadow Work based upon my experiences working with my spirit guides during this time (up on Amazon in 2025!) 

But first, let’s break down these feelings and some tools you can use now if you have enough motivation and energy. I can’t wait to tell you my little – most powerful trick – that potentially saved my mental health.

Remember—if you’re really down, it’s imperative you go check in with a mental health professional. Again, you’re worth it. They’re always there, and there are multiple ways to access them. Call your county or regional mental health services to get their advice and learn about the options. In the United States, we also have the option to call 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, too.

If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.
– Amit Ray

Recognizing and Softening to the Darkness Within

The holidays can be a double-edged sword. While some see them as a joyful time for gatherings with family and friends, for others, these days can bring feelings of loneliness, sorrow, and tension. Acknowledging these shadows and understanding that feeling low is okay when everyone else seems buoyant is crucial. You’re human, after all.

Finding gratitude amid the bleakness of grief, loss, or hardship can feel like an uphill battle. The emotional landscape during such times is often fraught with intense sorrow, making thankfulness seem unreachable. When the world feels like it’s caving in, and the weight of your sorrow is too heavy to bear, it’s natural to question how gratitude can play a part. Yet, acknowledging these feelings opens a pathway toward healing, no matter how obscure it seems. Remember, it’s entirely valid to struggle with gratitude when enveloped by the darkness; it doesn’t mean you’re failing; it exemplifies your courage in navigating these challenging days. But don’t focus on this right now. I’m just letting you know: I see you and your struggles. On the other side of this life phase, you will too.

Feeling grateful can seem distant, even impossible, in moments of loss, heartbreak, or uncertainty. When life is heavy, it’s natural to ask, ‘How can I be thankful for this?’ But even in these times, You can find the key to profound healing.

Embracing Your Emotions: It’s Okay to Feel Down

It’s essential to recognize that not everyone shares the joy and togetherness that society deems proper for this time of year. You might find yourself feeling down while the world appears to be wrapped in a festive glow. Rest assured, it’s perfectly okay to hold these feelings. It’s not unusual to experience sadness, loneliness, or stress during these times. Recognizing your emotions is the first step toward understanding them, and it opens up a pathway for you to address your needs. 

Talking openly about your feelings can help manage overwhelming emotions. You don’t have to pretend to be cheerful when you’re not. Consider reaching out to a friend, family member, therapist, or support group, or find a group of other souls in your area struggling through the holidays.  Make sure they’re aligned with your highest good and they feel nurturing. This means they’re not only a shoulder to cry on and an easy ear to talk to, but they don’t take an overly compassionate stance – they should also help you, and sometimes, this is tough stuff to hear. A good therapist or spiritual coach may see your breakthrough in simple, accomplishable steps, leading you to a lasting and wholeheartedly liberating existence and providing relief and validation. Additionally, processing these emotions allows for deeper emotional insight and could prevent further feelings of isolation and stress. 

It’s vital to prioritize your mental health. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and allow yourself to experience them fully. Your emotions are valid, and by embracing them, you can find ways to support your mental and emotional well-being during the festive period. Let’s set a safe space, however. How do you prioritize your mental and spiritual self this time of year?

Protecting Your Energy: From The Mundane to the Woo-Woo

Understanding your personal limits is crucial, especially during the holiday season when family demands and social expectations – or the complete and lonely lack thereof – can feel overwhelming. Realize that it’s perfectly acceptable to establish boundaries to protect your emotional and mental well-being. This could mean choosing which family invitations to accept, deciding how much time you’re willing to spend at gatherings, or creating mental boundaries around your self-inflicted thoughts and self-talk during times of isolation.

Boundaries

The key is to communicate your boundaries assertively yet kindly. Let others know your limits by expressing them clearly. For instance, if you find extended family dinners draining, politely explain your need for downtime or choose to join only for part of the event. A simple “I’d love to join you for dinner, but I’ll need to leave early as I have a few things to finish up” suffices to set expectations without guilt. Check out my post, The Empath’s Guide to Boundaries and Self Love for more info.

Saying NO

Another vital aspect is learning the power of saying “no.” Whether declining an event or skipping a gift exchange to save energy, saying no helps prioritize your needs. Recognize that attending every event or engaging in every conversation is unnecessary, particularly if it impacts your peace. 

To maintain these boundaries, set interaction limits with individuals who trigger negativity. It’s okay to limit how long you spend with them or the topics discussed. Remember, this is you safeguarding your emotional health, not closing off. If situations become too challenging, consider discussing strategies with a mental health professional or coach who can offer guidance on managing these dynamics effectively.

Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk often becomes louder for those feeling lonely and isolated during the holidays. It’s your inner critic, voice, or “monkey mind” that is justifying and expanding the feelings of sadness and depression while friends are all engaged in their family time. To manage it, you can start by acknowledging its presence without judgment. Recognize these thoughts as merely thoughts, not truths. Consider writing down your exact thought in a sentence, then challenge it in written form. Explore what’s happening inside, and try to get to the root of the problem, not just remaining in the complaint and emotion. The isolation while waiting for the world to surface from the holidays is a fantastic time for Shadow Work! Remember, pausing and taking a deep breath is not only okay but also exceptionally healing while you center yourself amidst the noise. Be gentle with yourself and know that it’s a process to reshape the narrative in your mind.

Create an Ancestor Home

If you’re metaphorically haunted by loved ones and ancestors who have passed, try this trick. The “haunting” I’m referring to is in your mind – the thoughts and memories of them won’t leave you alone, and they bring you down into a constant state of grief or shadowy reminiscence that just won’t shake into joy, whatever you do.

Find a place in your home, a small one, perhaps a section of a bookshelf, a windowsill, or a spot next to which you put your keys at the front door. (Let’s leave the bedroom out of it, I’ll explain further.) Your job is to make a “home” for your passed loved ones. Place a pretty fabric or handkerchief on the bottom, then perhaps their picture or a small object representing a safe space for them to “live.” You can be as creative or lavish as you want or simply find things you already have to build this space. 

This is your Ancestor Sanctuary, and you’ll be using it to kindly relieve your mind of them when they intrude on your mental health. When you find that one (or more) of your loved ones are overstaying their welcome in your mind, tell them to go home, and you’ll visit with them on your own time. This is a beautiful way to use an actual physical boundary to set energetic boundaries.

Keep this sanctuary out of your bedroom. That is your private space. Would you allow your (alive) family to congregate in a mass there? No—it’s a place for you to relax and get away. Keep everyone else in an area of the home intended for visiting.

You can also use this as a place to store thoughts that lead to overbearing emotions. Keep placing them in the house over and over again until they stay. This is training your neurons to calm your monkey mind down, and it will vastly help your depression and anxiety. Just remember to use it whenever things are getting too heavy.

Tip: Think also about creating a separate one for visitors to energetically drop their spirits off at the door, or better, outside the front door. Put a little “house” out there with the unspoken intention that they can leave their unclean energies and haunts there and pick them up again upon exiting. This will ensure your space remains clear.

Holiday Alternatives: Celebrating Your Own Way

I’ve already said it, but I’ll repeat it: you’re not alone when feeling down while feeling pushed and pulled by happy traditional celebrations, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Consider crafting your own unique way to observe the season that resonates with you. Ideas abound when you break free from convention. 

Why not host a movie marathon with your closest friends, featuring films that bring you comfort? Or designate a ‘holiday’ just for yourself where you indulge in your favorite pastimes, such as reading, hiking, or experimenting with a new recipe. Create a Meetup of other folks in your position and host a small potluck with fun rules such as no talking about politics, religion, or holidays! The key here is to listen to what truly brings you joy. 

• Create New Traditions: Embrace the opportunity to start something new. A weekly coffee meet-up or a yearly letter-writing retreat can serve as heartwarming renewals.
• Volunteer: Many find fulfillment in giving back. Donating time at a local shelter or organizing a neighborhood clean-up can be immensely rewarding.
• Travel: Escape to an unfamiliar destination. Experiencing different cultures and landscapes can help shift your focus and bring a fresh perspective.

Remember, the holidays don’t have to fit a specific mold to be meaningful. Celebrate in a way that honors who you are and what you enjoy, and you might find that a bespoke holiday becomes something you look forward to year after year.

Creating Your Personal Sanctuary Amidst Holiday Chaos

Your personal sanctuary can be a physical or mental retreat that allows you to find peace amid the holiday clamor. Start by identifying a comfortable and secure place, perhaps a cozy nook in your home or even a favorite park where you can unwind. Making this sanctuary reflective of your tastes—whether it’s through calming music, comforting scents, or cherished items—can enhance its effect. 

Physically Escape: Surround yourself with things that bring comfort and joy, and leave your phone out. It may be a warm blanket, a good book, or gentle lighting that soothes your mind. Setting aside a brief moment each day to retreat to this space can help you recharge and face the festivities with a calmer outlook. Practice keeping your thoughts out of the past or future – staying in the present moment and feeling what is inside you right now. (Spoiler alert: this exercise is the fastest way to find inner peace. Plus, it’s already in you… this is all you have to do to find it. Go ahead, try it! It only takes a couple of seconds!)

Create Mental Spaces: Mental sanctuaries are just as vital. Practicing meditation, visualizing peaceful places, or simply allocating time for reflection without interruption can provide solace and relief. Guided meditations can be particularly valuable as they help steer your thoughts away from stressors toward a tranquil imagination. 

Remember, your sanctuary is there to nourish your spirit. It’s perfectly okay to step back and seek solitude when the world becomes overwhelming. Nurturing this space prioritizes your well-being, and that’s a gift truly priceless during the holiday hustle.

Finding Support When You Need It

Recognizing when it’s time to reach out and lean on those around you is crucial. Bringing a trusted loved one to family gatherings or festive parties can provide the comfort and support you need when navigating social situations. Not only does this provide emotional backing, but it also gives you someone to share your thoughts and feelings with. 

Joining or creating a group of like-minded people – who inspire and uplift you instead of increasing the world’s weight – is also fundamental. I’ve often realized introverts I’ve worked with heal their wounded introvert simply by choosing to be around different people. It’s not the being around people that hurts or exhausts them – it is their choice of person to be around. The people you invest yourself and your time in should make you feel buoyant instead of heavy. If they don’t, it could be time to make some decisions.

I host a beautiful group of like-minded and like-hearted people on spiritual journeys online – we share the essential things in life, check in, and have deep support for each other – and I would love to invite you to join if you feel it’s right. There are two levels of membership options: one with information leading you to communication with your spirit guides, meditations, and beautiful community, and the next option up includes more courses (a shadow work course might benefit you this time of year!) and weekly healings and integration work, channeled from your guides and mine. This is a highly sacred space created for people like you – and you – to relax and be open to your journey.

Remember, reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a testament to your strength and self-awareness. With the backdrop of holiday hoopla, feelings such as stress, depression, and even grief can come to the forefront. Sharing your burden with a friend or family member can often lighten the load, but seeking professional help may offer the relief you need if these emotions persist. Schedule an extra therapy session or explore support groups where you can connect with others experiencing similar feelings. 

Furthermore, be honest about your needs and boundaries with those around you. You might be surprised at the understanding and empathy they offer. Realigning your and others’ expectations can ease the pressure and help you find more balance during this challenging season.

Gentle Ways to Love Yourself Through Festive Times

During the hustle and bustle of the holidays, taking time for yourself might feel like a distant dream, but it is crucial. Start by giving yourself the gift of grace. The holiday season doesn’t require perfection, and it’s okay if things don’t go as planned. Release any self-imposed pressure to meet others’ – or your own – expectations. Instead, set intentions that align with your well-being and mental health. 

Another gentle self-love practice is indulging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether taking a quiet stroll in nature, enjoying a comforting cup of your favorite tea, or diving into a book that has been calling your name, prioritize these nourishing moments. 

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
– Thich Nhat Hanh

Sometimes, little gestures make the most significant impact. Consider treating yourself to something special, even if it’s small—a scented candle, a warm scarf, or a delicious meal. These acts are not about indulgence but rather a testament to your deserving of care and compassion. 

Acknowledging your achievements during this time can also be empowering. Reflect on the past year, recognizing what you’ve accomplished, big or small. Celebrate these moments with gratitude and pride, embracing your progress. One of the things I’ve found with my clients is that we are very, very good at focusing on the percentage of a job we didn’t get done, and we forget to acknowledge what we did accomplish. This is the piece we need to celebrate, not vice versa. 

Lastly, practice forgiveness of self. The stresses of the season can lead to mistakes or emotional struggles. Understand that it’s human to falter, and offer yourself the words and compassion you would extend to a dear friend. With these gentle practices, you can navigate the festive season with more self-love and ease.

Gratitude During Dark Times

Gratitude, both as a spiritual practice and a psychological tool, offers profound benefits, particularly during challenging times. On a spiritual level, embracing gratitude can foster a deeper connection with oneself and the world, invigorating a sense of purpose and belonging. Many spiritual gurus also study the Universal Law of Compensation: the essence is that your actions and efforts will eventually and positively return to you.

Psychologically, cultivating gratitude plays a crucial role in enhancing mental well-being, as it encourages a shift in perspective from what is lacking to what is present. This cognitive framework can reduce stress and anxiety, promote resilience, and elevate mood by reminding us of the small joys and acts of kindness that persist despite adversity. By nurturing this practice, you navigate hardships more effectively and build a foundation for inner peace and emotional stability.

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
– J.K. Rowling

Gratitude doesn’t wipe away the pain you feel, but it does serve as a gentle guide toward the small moments of light that may otherwise go unnoticed. By focusing on what you appreciate, no matter how minor it seems, you allow room for healing to happen naturally. It’s not about dismissing the pain, but about integrating these bright spots to nurture a sense of hope and resilience, stirring a subtle shift in perspective that gradually invites a more balanced emotional landscape.

In spiritual teachings, there’s a profound belief that gratitude can raise one’s vibrational frequency. This mindset shift—rooted in energy work—suggests that even in the darkest times, expressing gratitude can create a ripple effect of positivity and transformation. By acknowledging what you have rather than lamenting what you lack, you align yourself with the higher vibrations of love and abundance, allowing hope and light to penetrate the shadows.

Practical Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

Even during your lowest points, practicing gratitude can be a transformative tool. Start by keeping a daily journal where you jot down at least one thing you are thankful for each day, no matter how small. Physically writing it out helps in acknowledging the positive, however minute it may seem. Try setting a reminder on your phone to pause and reflect on moments of gratitude. Initiate a gratitude jar—drop in a note of a positive thought or memory whenever you feel uplifted. Visual reminders, like sticky notes on mirrors or the refrigerator with gratitude affirmations, can act as gentle nudges to look for the good. Remember, cultivating gratitude is a journey made of small, consistent steps.

• Start Small: Focus on the simple things, like the warmth of a cup of tea or the comfort of a blanket.
• Gratitude Journal: Write down three things you are grateful for each day, even if they seem minor.
• Gratitude Meditation: Find a short guided meditation to help connect with your inner peace.
• Gratitude Affirmations: Find a set of affirmations for when you need a mental shift. As a bonus, attach feelings to each of them, even if you have to imagine what they feel like.
• Seek Support: Encourage connection with loved ones or spiritual guides to remind them of their blessings.

On the darkest days, your gratitude may be as small as a sunrise or as simple as a loved one’s text message. Starting with these small moments can shift your mindset and energy, creating a ripple effect of healing.

The Role of Spirituality in Gratitude

Spiritual practices can be a profound source of comfort and gratitude during hardships. Engaging in prayer helps you connect to a higher power, offering a sense of solace and hope. Calling upon Archangels, such as Michael for protection or Raphael for healing, nurtures a feeling of safety and support. Additionally, working with crystals like Rose Quartz to foster self-love or Amethyst to cultivate calm can be empowering, providing tangible touchstones for your journey toward healing and gratitude.

Spiritual growth often emerges as a beacon of hope and resilience through life’s toughest challenges. Again, when faced with difficulties, turning to gratitude can illuminate the hidden lessons buried within pain. By appreciating even the most minor victories, you can transform hardship into an opportunity for enlightenment, fostering a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
– Vivian Greene

Spirituality teaches us that darkness often precedes light. By cultivating gratitude, we invite divine guidance and healing, recognizing that there are lessons and opportunities for spiritual expansion even in our suffering.

As Promised: The Ultimate Shadow Tool From My Spirit Guides

Again, this may seem trivial, yet it contains every spiritual universal law and the highest vibrations that will encapsulate you and propel you forward and upward.

During small minutes of the day, when you are away from your phone or other distractions, simply repeat the word “LOVE” repeatedly. You can feel the word, or in my case, when I was first given this exercise and couldn’t possibly feel that word, I just simply didn’t. I just said it aloud, or in my mind, the day’s mantra. For me, it was during baby feeding times when I had 10-15 minutes of just sitting. I could either let the monkey mind of depression rule me, or I could overwrite the narrative with this one word. I chose the word. At least it brought me into a feeling of neutrality instead of overwhelming depression.

Soon, this practice became easy, and I began feeling tiny sparkles of the word at the edges. This opened up a world of tiny opportunities (If I was inclined to notice them, which I was), like songs that brought me new, healthier energy or finding a new, funny, uplifting show on Netflix to help me feel like smiling. These were simply tools my Guides sent me, helping me fill my day and manage my dark thoughts. The ultimate goal here is to quiet them – and practice challenging them and the ultimate truth within the thoughts.

The more I participated in the exercises and tools Spirit offered me, the more I showed up. Granted, life didn’t get exceptionally easy for a while, but my ability to manage exponentially increased by repeating that one word. And honestly, I only had to do that for a few days before beginning to find more light in other areas. As I look back now, the practices I put in place during these times have become habitual tools I use on a daily, even minute-by-minute basis to get ahead of trauma, keep my mindset in check, and curiously dig into thoughts that aren’t serving my highest good to find the beliefs they’re arising from. The toolkit I was given during this time was built specifically for me, and I still use it today. Begin working with your guides just like this. Say YES to what they offer, even if it’s just a song on YouTube. (Hey, look! Your first message from your guides!)

Finding Light in the Darkness

Remember that you are worthy of peace, healing, and love even in your darkest days. Take one moment today to acknowledge the small light in your life—whether it’s the sound of rain, the presence of a friend, or the simple act of breathing. You will find your guide through the shadows, leading you back to the light. And remember, when you have no energy or motivation, simply repeating the word “LOVE” will propel you forward, even if you can’t feel it immediately.

If you need spiritual help or want to explore communicating with your guides more deeply, check out the Beyond membership, The Oracle Within. Here, we have courses and meditations that will help you on a deep level, as well as a community of like-hearted and like-minded people. We also have a membership version containing a 30-day course on shadow work, plus weekly energy healing and alignment—perfect to balance the holiday season.

Even though we’ve probably never met, I love you. I see you. I’d love to hear from you. This is a phase, and all phases in life come to an end. Every day, you’re one day closer to this moment.