Understanding Expectations, Judgements, & Opportunity and how they relate to your Trust in Source.

As per Collins Dictionary, an expectation is a strong hope or belief about the proper way someone should behave or something should happen. Considerable research on consumer expectations shows that expectations are developed based on past experiences. (Curtin, 2019) Judgments are also a component of expectations. They are based on the situational salience of the particular things we are looking at, and the cognitive accessibility of our own schemas and attitudes. (Hirt, Kardes, & Markman, 2004).

Hmmm. This is the stuff I really like to mentally “chew,” or meditate on.

Let’s think this through:

• Expectations are highly related to our beliefs. We see the world through our individual and unique pair of glasses prescribed by every experience and feeling we’ve ever had. Judgments are also formed by our past experiences and colored in by these expectations, with a dash of outside (societal/cultural/parental/financial, etc.) expectations.
• Please permit me to wrap these thoughts up in the word “should.”
  • Something should happen if x, y, or z occurs.
  • He or she should do x. If not, they are sooo y.
  • I should do x, or else y will happen and then I will judgingly think a, b, or c of myself.
• I’m going to call this mental process “shoulding.” A dear friend once told me her therapist uses this word, and I asked to borrow it… it’s absolutely fantastic.

The Dark Side of Shoulding

Suppose we rely on meeting the expectations of others (and ourselves) as a way of finding joy in life. If we fail a self-imposed expectation, or someone fails our expectation, we feel disappointed, surprised, sad, or angry, the opposite of joy. If a goal at work is unreachable or we don’t become the federal judge of our parent’s dreams, we can quickly spin into gloom. We judge ourselves ruthlessly. The voice in our head starts ragging on us and telling us merciless things about our worth.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not about this. I’ve lived decades in the aforementioned mental habits, and they feel icky. Truly icky. Pit of the stomach, flat-out gross. Completely misaligned with my higher self and an A #1 way to start feeling old, tired, and beat down, with a little worthlessness thrown in for good measure.

In spiritual terms, our expectations and judgments leave limited space to move from shoulding into the expansive creative energy of Life. Another way to say this would be that the toxic masculine energy of trying to control a situation limits life flow, nutritional bounty, and pure magic possibilities of the feminine. A single expectation puts us into a box of only one correct opportunity. And if it doesn’t happen? We can spin ourselves into a world of anguish, judgment, or a need to control, suppress, or dampen more in our lives so we won’t experience it again. Can you see a downward spiral of habits, mental programs, and spiritual patterns emerging?

Let’s up the game here. Adding the word “should” automatically adds a juicy chunk of fear into your mind-space. Should gives us a right or wrong answer. Yes or No.  Angel or Devil. Light or Dark. There’s no in-between, no space for exploration, learning, growth, danger, excitement, mystery or any other word that breathes life into, well, life. The fear of the unknown, or unexpected flows through us, effectively shutting down our inner child, and imagination, and closes our chakras to the flow of energy and spiritual information. It makes adulting hard, and super un-fun.

Bringing in the Light

What in the world do we do to get out of this cerebral quicksand if we don’t yet have a sage’s sense of faith? Well, let’s first crack open our rigid sense of expectation and let a ray of opportunity “light” in.

Instead, if we accept the way we are and the curve balls in life that challenge us and not be attached to the outcome, we can respond to the external environment in a way that helps us grow from the experience, stay balanced in our responses by staying in the driver’s seat and experience peace and calm along the journey.

What Is Opportunity?

Let’s go back to the Collins Dictionary and define opportunity. It is “…a situation in which you can do something that you want to do; a favorable, appropriate, or advantageous combination of circumstances.” In terms of goals, opportunities marry the view of possibility and the mind’s readiness to take a risk and try new methods for something we favor. In spirituality, we can let go of controlling goals completely, having resounding faith that the best, most aligned answers will come our way with billions of opportunities to choose from.

Opportunity is actually where we instill flexibility to this mental rigidity. It is where we invite magic before the potential negative biases of expectations kick in. This creates space for many things to happen and for us to embrace a growth mindset. For example, if things do not come to pass the way we hoped for, we can ask ourselves some questions to keep the growth, mindset, and spiritual space from being immediately negatively influenced by expectations. Questions like “What gift does this bring me? How can I learn from this situation?” How does this help me move my focus to create instead of engaging in dark emotional reactions, control, or more force?  

In pure opportunity, we find ourselves releasing all expectation. This is an advanced practice, and if you’re in the mindset of controling people, situations you’re in or those surrounding you, have patience and grace with yourself. First, recognize when you’re “shoulding” on behalf of yourself, others, or a situation. Secondly, remember that there are millions of opportunities other than the options your mind has thought of. Source, God, Universe has plans that will absolutely blow your mind wide open if you let it! Lastly, practice releasing expectation completely – you may have goals, but release the “how” from the roadmap to the goal. Let Spirit take you for a wild ride! Here are some ways you can start shaking your mind into agreeing with letting go:

• If you find yourself “shoulding,” what expectations are not fulfilled?
• How do you feel when an expectation is not satisfied?
• How do these expectations actually impact you on your journey to achieve the goal?
• Do you have a personal rule or belief that’s being compromised by this shoulding?
• If you have a magic wand, how would you turn this into an opportunity to realize your goal?
• Who do you need to be so you can realize your life/career/relationship/health vision?
• If this is actually an opportunity for you, how would you see yourself being benefited from it?
• How would you like to use this opportunity?
• When similar conflicts happen again, how could you remind yourself to see the opportunity to realize your goal?
• How can you remind yourself to focus on opportunities in life?
• How can you turn your expectations from dark to light?
• How can you release expectations completely and leave only room for more opportunity?

Humans have a permanent built-in expectation system that gets reinforced by society and the media each day. This tool won’t erase all expectations, nor should it. It is a tool to help open your mind, invite Spirit into a dance with you, and ease expectations with a healthy dose of mysticism and childlike wonder to your day. Just remember – nobody said your expectations are true, or even valid. You may not be thinking of the best possible scenarios because you’re used to the worst happening. Begin bringing this space to your heart and mind and see where you flow. The magic is just about to happen!

If you’re having difficulties with this concept or feel some blocks to the process, please consider joining our sacred healing group, the Healed Collective. Here, we receive weekly energy healings, deep integration and coaching on all topics of spirituality. You will have the most recent channelings from the highest realms to support and guide you through your path in life and ascension. We can’t wait to meet you!

References

Collins Dictionary. (n.d.) Expectation. In Collins Dictionary.com dictionary. Retrieved February 2, 2022
Collins Dictionary. (n.d.) Opportunity. In Collins Dictionary.com dictionary. Retrieved February 2, 2022
Curtin, R. (2019). Consumer Expectations: Micro Foundations and Macro Impact. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. doi:10.1017/9780511791598
Hirt, E. R., Kardes, F. R., & Markman, K. D. (2004). Activating a mental simulation mindset through the generation of alternatives: Implications for debiasing in related and unrelated domains. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 40(3), 374–383.